One of my biggest pet peeve "fitness" quotes:
"Lifting weights makes women huge? False. Eating cupcakes makes women huge."
Eating cupcakes, in and of itself, doesn't make women or anyone else huge. Likewise, lifting weights, in and of itself, doesn't make women huge. While we're on the subject, no food/food group makes women (or anyone else) skinny, either.
Stop villianizing certain foods and food groups, and just take personal responsibility for your choices. Figure out how many calories/macros you need to reach your goal. Be consistent. These things are FAR more indicative of whether or not you reach your goals, as indicated by this graphic from RP Strength.
Eat the damn cupcake.
Then eat some veggies. Enjoy balance. You only get one life. Completely depriving yourself of foods you love doesn't make you a martyr--it makes you miserable (and dumb). Life is too short to miss out on the things that make it sweet.
I'm not going to sit here and tell you that a banana and a doughnut are equal, because they're not. But you also won't find me telling someone not to eat the doughnut. You won't find too many micronutritents (vitamins, minerals, etc) in that doughnut, but you will enjoy it. Eat lot lots of whole foods, but also eat things you enjoy.
Strive for a lifestyle you can keep up with long term, not a diet with a countdown.